Philemon 23-25

Philemon 1:23-25

      In this session we’re going to look at the final two verses of Philemon.  Like several other NT books, Philemon ends with a series of greetings.  Five people are mentioned by name—Epaphras, Mark, Aristarchus, Demas, and Luke. This is the type of material would be tempted to skim over rather quickly in our personal Bible study, thinking there’s not much for us to learn from it.  But actually there is much to learn from examples of the people mentioned in these verses. 

      This list of names at the end of Philemon is a reminder that the Christian life is a life of relationships.  When you accepted Christ into your life, you became a part of a great spiritual family.  And as members of the family of faith, we’re to encourage each other, draw strength from each other, challenge each other, and support each other.  The concept of Christians drawing strength and encouragement from each other permeates this list of names.  Notice the recurring use of the word “fellow” in these verses.  Literally that word means to be together with another. 

EPAPHRAS

In verse 23 Paul describes Epaphras as “my fellow prisoner.” Some Bible scholars take that to mean that Epaphras voluntarily gave up his freedom to be with Paul and keep Paul company in prison.  He didn’t abandon his friend in a difficult time.  He remained loyal and true, even though it cost him his freedom to do so.

This was the man who shared the gospel with the Colossians. And from the book of Colossians we know quite a bit about him. 

In Colossians 1:7 he is described as:

·         “beloved” - His name is very close to “Aphrodite” which means “lovely.”  And he was a very lovely person.  He was much loved by Paul and by the Colossians.

·         “fellow bond-servant” - The word “bond-servant” translates the Greek word “doulos”...that was the word used to described the lowest of slaves in the social order of the first century world...this was the person who did all the dirty work...whatever no-one else wanted to do, that task fell to the “doulos”...that’s the role unselfish Epaphras, as well as Paul, gladly assumed...instead of demanding a position of honor or authority, instead of seeking praise and recognition, Epaphras was the kind of person who willingly put himself in the background and put others first...

·         “faithful servant of Christ” - It has often been said that faithfulness is the primary thing the Lord requires of us...I Corinthians 4:2 that “...it is required of stewards [or servants] that they be found faithful...”... Epaphras was certainly faithful toward Christ...Epaphras was also faithful toward Paul...

In Colossians 4:12-13 we are told that the over-riding passion of Epaphras was the spiritual welfare of the Christians in the area of Colossae.  He expressed that concerning in two ways:

·         Epaphras prayed hard

      The last part of v.12 says that Epaphras was “always laboring earnestly for you in his prayers, that you may stand perfect and fully assured in all the will of God.”...that little statement gives us a wealth of information about how Epaphras prayed and about how we should pray...for example, it tells us that Epaphras prayed—

CONSTANTLY - Notice the word “always” in the middle part of v.12... not sometimes/occasionally/when felt like it/when urge hit him...not even regularly...but he was “always” praying...he had learned the secret of “praying without ceasing” as we’re instructed to do in I Thessalonians 5:17...doesn’t mean always had head bowed and eyes closed in traditional position of prayer...but does mean was constantly in touch with the Father and that we just naturally lift to Him the needs of people who cross his path and mind...and more often than not, the people in his hometown of Colossae were on his mind and in his prayers...

FERVENTLY - The phrase “laboring earnestly” translates a word from which our word agony comes...in NT times the word was used to describe an athlete who gave his all on the athletic field...it’s the same word used to describe the agony of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane  as he anticipated His death on the cross...in using that word Paul was saying that prayer was not a flippant matter to Epaphras...he took it seriously and worked hard at it...

PERSONALLY - Paul tells the Colossians that Epaphras prayed “for you”...he no doubt prayed for them by name...for Epaphras prayer was not an impersonal religious exercise...Epaphras carried the Colossians in his heart and it was just naturally for him to pray for them personally...

SPECIFICALLY - He prayed that they would “stand perfect and fully assured in all the will of God...”...that phrase indicates that the desire of Epaphras for the Christians in Colossae was that they grow and mature in the Christian faith...he prayed that they would have the spiritual depth and strength not be led astray by the false teachers who had infiltrated that church...

·         Epaphras worked hard

      Ruth Graham once said that Christians should pray as if everything depends on God and Christians should work as if everything depends on us...I like that...prayer alone is not enough...work alone is not enough...we must have both in our lives to accomplish what God wants us to accomplish...and Epaphras certainly understood that...

      Look at the first part of v.13…the NASB says, “For I bear him witness that he has a deep concern for you...”...the NIV says “I vouch for him that he is working hard for you...”...and the word translated “deep concern” in the NASB and “working hard” in the NIV carries the idea of great toil or excruciating labor...

      Paul was saying that Epaphras was a hard worker...and the very fact that Epaphras was in Rome with Paul may be evidence of that... we can’t know for sure why Epaphras was in Rome, but he probably made that difficult journey to get advice from the Apostle Paul concerning how to deal with some of the problems facing the churches in the area of Colossae...

      He was the kind of person who was so meticulous in his work, so conscientious about his responsibilities, that he would gladly go the second and third mile to be effective in what he was doing...

MARK

Mark, who is also known as John, has one of the more interesting stories in the NT...he was the son of a wealthy widow who lived in Jerusalem...we first meet John Mark in Acts 13 where he accompanies Paul and his cousin, Barnabas, on Paul’s first missionary journey...Mark’s failure was that when things got a little tough, he bailed out and went home...this so angered Paul that when it came time for the second missionary Barnabas wanted to take Mark along and Paul, still angry over Mark’s quitting on the first trip, flatly refused...the incident caused a rift in the relationship between Paul and Barnabas...

By the time Paul wrote the book of Colossians, Mark and Paul had reconciled their relationship.  His life reminds us that failure can be a spring board to greater things. 

Instead of frustrating us, we need to learn how to allow our failures to motivate us...many of the world’s most successful people found that failure can be a stepping stone to success...That happened in the life of Nathaniel Hawthorne, the famous American literary figure...he lost his job at a customhouse in Salem and feeling very dejected and defeated he went home to break the bad news to his wife...her reaction surprised him...she said, “Good.  Now you can continue work on your book.”...and with her encouragement he got busy and finished writing The Scarlet Letter, which became a classic of American literature...

It is interesting that as Paul’s life neared its end, it was John Mark who he summoned to his side.  In the letter of 2 Timothy Paul instructed Timothy to “Pick up Mark and bring him with you, for he is useful to me for service.”

ARISTARCHUS AND DEMAS

Aristarchus and Demas were complete opposites...Aristarchus is a man who stayed...Demas is a man who strayed...Aristarchus stuck with Paul through some very difficult and trying times...Demas ended up deserting Paul...and from the examples of these two men--one positive and the other negative--there are several key things we can learn about the Christian life...Aristarchus and Demas remind us that the Christian life is a life of perseverance…

In the Scripture the Christian life is often compared with a race...Aristarchus and Demas were both in the race, but they approached it from totally different perspectives...Aristarchus approached the Christian life as a marathon which takes patience and endurance...Demas approached the Christian life as a sprint where you run for a short distance at top speed and then stop...

Both Aristarchus and Demas were from Thessalonica in the Roman Province of Macedonia...both probably came to profess faith in Christ during Paul’s ministry in that city...however, their futures in the faith were radically different...

Aristarchus was a man who stayed with it...he hung in there and refused to quit even in the face of great difficulty...

--first meet him in Scripture in Acts 19 where he is seized by a rioting mob in Ephesus because they recognized him as one of Paul’s companions...that frightening experience could have caused him to turn back on go home, but it didn’t...he stayed with Paul...

--know from Acts 20 that he traveled with Paul to Jerusalem where Paul was nearly torn apart by an angry mob and was saved only because the Roman soldiers stepped it...that frightening experience could have caused Aristarchus to turn back on go home, but it didn’t...he stayed with Paul...

--know from Acts 27 that he was with Paul on the journey to Rome...a journey marked by danger and shipwreck...that experienced could have caused Aristarchus to turn back on go home, but it didn’t...he stayed with Paul...

--and we see from Colossians, as Paul endured his imprisonment in Rome, Aristarchus was still faithfully by his side...

Demas was just the opposite...apparently by the time Paul wrote Philemon and Colossians, Demas was in the process of falling away… he was running out of gas...he was about to drop out of the race and apparently Paul could see it coming...by the time Paul wrote 2 Timothy Demas had dropped out...in 2 Timothy 4:10 Paul makes this sad statement about Demas...”...for Demas, have loved this present world, has deserted me...”...and the clear implication is that not only had Demas deserted Paul, he deserted the ministry...

Arastarchus and Demas remind us we always are faced with the choice of staying with Christ or straying from Christ. 

LUKE

Luke was one of the most influential people in the history of the church:

--wrote approximately 1/4 of the NT...if it weren’t for his writings, we would know very little about the growth of the early church and the spread of the gospel across the 1^st century world...

--was the first church historian, and as such was one of the most important people in Christian history...

--was a close friend, traveling companion, and personal physician of the Apostle Paul...

It’s interesting that as influential and important as Luke was in the  history of the church, almost everything we know about him is found in a single verse in the Bible.  In Colossians 4:14 he is described as “Luke, the beloved physician…”

--there has been much speculation about Luke’s background... according to Eusebius and Jerome, two of the early church fathers, Luke was born in Antioch of Syria...some speculate that he may have been the brother of Titus and that he first met Paul when Paul was a student at Tarsus...others say he may have been a freed slave from the household of Theophilus who is mentioned by name in the prologues of Luke and of Acts...but all that is mere speculation and cannot be verified...

--if you’ll look carefully at Paul’s reference to Luke in Colossians, you’ll discover three things about him we can know for certain...he was a physician...he was a Gentile...and he was a faithful companion to Paul...

Luke reminds us of the importance of using our abilities for the Lord.  By profession, Luke was a physician...by the 1^st century the Greeks had elevated the practice of medicine to an honored vocation...in the culture in which Luke lived, much like in our culture today, physicians were held in high esteem...and no doubt Luke could have chosen any number of ways to use his unique skills as a physician, but he chose to use them in service to the Lord by caring for and serving alongside the Apostle Paul...From the book of Acts we know that Luke joined Paul at Troas on Paul’s second missionary journey...and, from Paul’s last NT letter, 2 Timothy, we know that Luke was with him to the very end…

Philemon 17-22

Pay the Price - Philemon 1:17-22

So far in our study of Philemon we have explored three principles for developing good relationships with others.

·         From verses 1-7 we focused on the importance of being an encourager of others, of building others up.  We are just naturally attracted to people who affirm us.  We saw from those first seven verses that affirming people look for the best in others and bring out the best in others. 

·         Then, from verses 8-14 we focused on the importance of being gracious in what we ask of others.  In this letter Paul asks a great deal of Philemon, but he did so in a gracious way.  Instead of “ordering” Philemon to do what he desired, Paul “appealed” to him.

·         In the session last week, primarily from verses 15-16, we talked about the importance of fostering win/win situations with others where both parties get something positive from the relationship.

Tonight, from Philemon 1:17-25 we are going to focus on a fourth principle for developing good interpersonal relationships.  I am calling this principle “Pay the price.”

No doubt you have heard the old saying, “You get what you pay for.”  Like most truisms, that is not always true.  Sometimes you get less than you pay for and on rare occasions you may get more than you pay for.  But generally that is true, and it is certainly true in the area of relationships.  If we are not willing to pay the price of having good relationships in our lives, we almost certainly will not have good relationships. 

Look at Philemon 1:17-25.  From what Paul says to Philemon in those verses, I want to just list for you six things involved in paying the price in our relationships.

I.    Paying the price means being vulnerable, open with other people.

1.      Without openness and a willingness to be vulnerable, relationships never progress past the superficial level.  And the great enemy of being open and vulnerable with others is the fear of rejection.  We fear that if other people know us as we really are—if we share our true thoughts, feelings, and desires with them—they will reject us.  And, ironically, one of the things necessary for having good relationships—being open and vulnerable—we resist doing out of fear of losing a relationship.

2.      Verse 17 is the key verse in Philemon.  The entire letter is summed up in this one verse.  “If then you regard me a partner, accept him as you would me.” One of the striking things about that statement is how open Paul was to Philemon and how he made himself vulnerable to being rejected.  Paul did not hesitate to express openly his heart to Philemon.   He laid himself open to being turned down, rejected.  That is a risky thing to do.  But it was precisely because Paul was willing to take that risk that he had such good relationships in his life.

3.      I think I should add a word of caution at his point.  Being open and vulnerable does not mean that we tell everything to everybody.  It does not mean that we are compelled to reveal every detail of our lives to those with whom we are in relationship.  But it does mean being willing to let down the mask and the pretense and let other people into our lives.  And when two people connect in openness, honesty, and vulnerability, something wonderful happens in that relationship.

4.      Paul describes it with the word “partner” in verse 17.  That word, which is from the same word family as the word koinonia meaning sharing or fellowship, carries the idea of two people bound together in a mutually shared life.  When we learn to be open and vulnerable, a bond develops between us and others.

II.  Paying the price means being accepting of others.

1.      In verse 17 Paul asks Philemon to “accept” Onesimus, his runaway slave.  The word “accept” is one of those compound words made up of a verb meaning “to take” and a preposition meaning “by the side”...the word means to take someone by your side or alongside you...instead of pushing them away, draw them toward you...

2.      It does not mean to be blind to or ignore a person’s faults...instead, it means to accept a person in spite of his or her faults...and that spirit of acceptance is foundational to any healthy relationship...

3.      Johnny Lee Clary and Wade Watts could not have been more different.  Clary was the Grand Dragon of the Ku Klux Klan in Oklahoma.  Watts was the African American pastor of a church in McAlester.  They met in a radio station where they were going to debate each other.  When the Reverend Watts walked into the station he saw Johnny Lee Clary defiantly dressed in his white sheet.  And then Watts did an amazing thing.  He walked over to Johnny Lee, extended his hand, and said, “I love you.”  The Grand Dragon of the KKK was so caught off guard that he stuck out his hand and shook hands with the black minister.  That was in 1979.  Johnny Lee Clary never forgot that moment.  About 10 years later when he came to faith in Christ, the first thing Clary did was to call on Reverend Watts.  Watts invited Clary to speak at his church, and soon the two men began traveling together across the south preaching about racial reconciliation.  That simple act of acceptance in a radio studio in 1979 led to a deep relationship between two men who could not have been more different. [Randall, O’Brien, Set Free by Forgiveness, pp. 76-77]

III. Paying the price means being unselfish.

1.      Look at verse 18.  This is the verse on which some people base the belief that when Onesimus ran away from Philemon he stole some money as he left.  “But if he as wronged you in any way (obviously Onesimus had wronged Philemon by running away, so this statement is probably referring to something in addition to that), or owes you anything, charge that to my account...”  In the interest of restoring the relationship between Onesimus and Philemon and in the interest of keeping his own relationship with Philemon healthy, Paul said, “I am willing to pay anything Onesimus owes you.  Just charge it to me and I will take care of it.”

2.      And that attitude of unselfishness is one of the keys to Paul’s good relationship with Philemon.  Selfishness, self-centeredness are always barriers to healthy relationships.  You simply cannot be a selfish person and maintain good relationships. 

3.      It is not an exaggeration for me to say that the vast majority of the problems I see in relationships—whether it is between husbands/wives, parents/children, friend/friend—stem from selfishness.  When we insist on getting what we want no matter what the consequences to those around us, the key relationships in our lives will crumble.

4.      I love the little story that made the rounds several years ago about a mother preparing pancakes for her two sons.  The boys were fighting over who would get the first pancake.  The mother said to the boys, “If Jesus were here, He would say to his brother, ‘You can have the first one.’”  Upon hearing that, one of the boys turned to his brother and said, “Okay, you can be Jesus!”

5. We’ll never build healthy relationships with that attitude.

IV. Paying the price means being committed to the relationship.

1.      It wasn’t unusual for Paul to dictate his letters and then write the last few lines in his own hand.  But in Philemon Paul begins writing a little sooner than he normally would.  Think there is a reason for that.  After telling Philemon in verse 18 to charge to him anything Onesimus might owe, Paul picks up the pen in verse 19 and writes, “I will repay it...”  It is like Paul is providing his guarantee or signing a note.

2.      And what we can learn from that is that meaningful relationships are built on commitment.  In the pre-marital counseling process, I tell every couple I marry that the glue which holds marriage together is not love; it is commitment.  Love is an emotion.  Sometimes you feel it very strongly, and sometimes you may not feel it at all.  On the other hand, commitment is an act of the will.  You don’t feel commitment; you decide to be committed. Commitment is doing what is right, even when you don’t feel like.  And amazingly, when we do what is right, our feelings will eventually catch up with that.

3.      To have a meaningful relationship you must be committed to the relationship.  Do what is right.  Don’t let your feelings shape your commitment; let your commitment shape your feelings.

V.  Paying the price means being willing to receive that others have to give.

1.      Sometimes relationships do not work because one party does not know how to accept graciously what the other party is able to give.  As I’ve said several times during this study, healthy relationships must involve both giving and receiving.  Just as it is not healthy for one person to be always receiving, it is also not healthy for one person to be always giving.  There must be healthy balance between the two.

2.      In verse 20, Paul expressed his willingness to receive from Philemon by saying, “...let me benefit from you in the Lord; refresh my heart in Christ.” We saw that word “refresh” back in verse 7.  I mentioned several weeks ago the word means to lift someone’s burden or to ease someone’s pain.  By using that word, Paul is saying, “I am willing to accept your ministry to me, to be blessed by what you are able to do for me.”

3.      Part of paying the price in relationships is allowing other people to minister to and care for us.

VI. Paying the price means being willing to hold others accountable.

1.   In verse 22 Paul tells Philemon, “...prepare me a lodging; for I hope that through your prayers I shall be given to you.”  Do you hear what Paul is really saying there?  In a not so subtle way he is saying, “I’m going to come personally and check up on you.  I want to see for myself how you and Onesimus are doing.”  In other words, Paul was saying to his friend, “I am going to hold you accountable for what you do.”

2.   Accountability is essential for healthy relationships.  Husbands/wives who don’t hold each other accountable for maintaining the integrity of the marriage relationship, father/mothers who don’t hold their children accountable for keeping the rules they have set, employers who do not hold employees accountable for their job performance are not strengthening but undermining these essential life relationships.

T.S. – To have healthy relationships, we must learn to pay the price--Be open, accepting, unselfish, committed, willing to receive what others give, and willing to hold others accountable.  Doing those things will help you build better relationships in your life.

Conclusion

1.   At the outset of our study of Philemon, I told you that one of the interesting things about this story is that we are not told how it ends.  The Scripture does not tell us how Philemon responded to Paul’s request concerning the runaway slave, Onesimus.  But there may be a clue about that from church history.  In the year 115 A.D. a man known as Ignatius of Antioch wrote a letter to the Bishop of Ephesus.  And the name of the Bishop of Ephesus was Onesimus.  Many scholars believe that is the same Onesimus referred to in the letter of Philemon.

2.   It is a wonderful thought that Philemon may have chosen to relate to Onesimus in the same way Paul related to him.  Affirming him, be gracious to him, seeking a win-win relationship with him, and paying the price to maintain a good relationship.  And as a result, Onesimus rose to a place of great prominence in the early church.

3.   Whether or not that is what happened, I cannot say for sure.  But I can say this.  If we practice those four principles for building better relationships in our lives, the people in our lives will be blessed and we’ll have better relationships with them.

Philemon 15-16

Foster “Win-Win” Situations - Philemon 1:10-11, 15-16

1.      It was one of those classic win-win situations.  During WW II in Europe the allied forces would recruit local people to slip behind the German lines to determine to report back such vital information the location of German gun batteries, the position and number of German troops, and any major movement of resources.  It was a very dangerous mission.  Any person believed to be a spy for the allies who was caught by the Germans was generally first tortured and then shot on the spot.  The Office of Strategic Services, known as the OSS which  was the Allied organization responsible for recruiting local people for this dangerous work, understandably often had a difficult time finding people willing to take on the risk.  However, Captain Ray Brittenham, a young lawyer from Chicago who worked for the Office of Strategic Services, had an ace in the hole.  Whenever he needed someone to slip behind enemy lines for a few days, Captain Brittenham knew exactly where to turn.  There was a Belgian man named Louis who was always ready to accept a mission.  Sometimes he would actually approach the Americans volunteering for the dangerous work.  When asked why he was always willing to put his life on the line, he had a rather unusual explanation.  Louis said that his mother-in-law lived in the house with him and his wife.  And to use Louis’ precise words, he said, “She makes life hell for me.”  And the truth was that he would rather risk being caught and shot as a spy than have to deal with his contentious mother-in-law.  Now that is a classic win-win situation.  The Allies would get their spy and Louis would get free of his mother-in-law. [Secret Missions of World War II, Bruener, pp.179-180]

2.      As we continue looking at some principles for building better relationships from Paul’s letter to Philemon in the New Testament, we are going to focus on the importance of developing “win-win” relationships with other people.

3.      If you’ve been with us the past couple of sessions you know the setting of this New Testament book.  Philemon, who lived in Colossae in the Roman Province of Asia Minor, had a slave named Onesimus who ran away.  Onesimus went to Rome and somehow linked up with Paul.  Paul led him to faith in Christ and then sent Onesimus back to Colossae to face Philemon.  Onesimus carried with him the letter that is called Philemon in the New Testament.  From Paul’s example in relating to Philemon there are some principles we for us to learn about building better relationships in our lives. 

·         From verses 1-7 we focused on the importance of being an encourager of others, of building others up.  We are just naturally attracted to people who affirm us.  We saw from those first seven verses that affirming people look for the best in others and bring out the best in others. 

·         Then, from verses 8-14 we focused on the importance of being gracious in what we ask of others.  The second principle for building better relationships has to do with how to make a request of others.  In this letter Paul asks a great deal of Philemon.  First, he asks Philemon to do something that was completely out of character for the culture in which he lived.  Instead of punishing Onesimus for running away, Paul requested that Philemon accept him back as a brother in Christ.  Second, there is some hint that Paul wanted Philemon to send Onesimus back to Rome to care for him during his imprisonment.  We saw that when we make requests of others, we are to ask in the right way (not “ordering” but “appealing”) and we are to ask for the right things (being reasonable in what we expect from people).

4.      In this session, we are going to look at a third principle of developing good relationships with others—fostering “win-win” situations. I want to re-read vv.10-11 which we read last week and then read vv. 15-16.  (Text - Philemon 1:10-11, 15-16)

T.S. – There are essentially three ways the relationships in our lives can play out.  Our relationships can play out as a—

·         Lose-lose situation, where both parties get something negative from the relationship...the relationship is not good for either party...

·         Lose-win situation, where one party gets something positive from the relationship and one party gets something negative from the relationship...the relationship is good for one of the parties but not the other...

·         Win-win situation, where both parties get something positive from the relationship...the relationship is good for both of the parties...

Of those three scenarios, obviously “win-win” is the best for all the parties involved. From these verses I want to point out a couple of things we can do to enhance the likelihood of creating win-win situations in our relationships.

I.    To create a win-win situation, we need to focus on that which is positive

1.      Paul certainly did that in terms of the relationship between Onesimus and Philemon.  He could have easily focused on the negative things.  For example, Paul could have—

·         Dwelt on how wrong it was for Onesimus to run away from Philemon, and if he took some money on his way out as the record seems to indicate, he could have loudly denounced that as well.  It would not have been difficult for Paul to heighten what Philemon had lost in his relationship with Onesimus.

·         Dwelt on the pain Onesimus suffered under Philemon.  As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, there is some indication that Philemon may have been an overly harsh master, mistreating Philemon and causing him to risk his life by running away.

2. But instead of focusing on the negative, Paul says an incredibly positive thing in verse 11.  The name Onesimus was a common name for slaves.  That’s because the word means “profitable” or “useful.”  Obviously, there was a time when Onesimus was not very profitable for or useful to Philemon.  But Paul tells Philemon in v.11 that all that has changed.  Of the man named “profitable” or “useful” who had been neither, Paul says in v.11 that he “...now is useful to you and to me.”
3. What some would have viewed as a lose-lose event—a slave running away from his master—Paul was able to view as a win-win event.  Paul found something positive in the situation for everyone involved.

·         Paul won by having the privilege of leading Onesimus to faith in Christ and being cared for by him.

·         Onesimus won by becoming a believer and making amends for his failures in the past.

·         Philemon won by having a once useless servant returned to him, not just as a servant but as a fellow believer.

1. And from how Paul approached this situation there is much for us to learn about building better relationships in our lives.  One way to make sure our relationships are healthy is to focus on what is positive for each person in the relationship.   For any relationship to endure, it must be mutually beneficial for both parties involved. 
2. Think for a moment about the key relationships in your life.  Are you able to see something positive for everyone involved in those relationships?  For example--

·         If you are married, can you see ways that both you and your spouse benefit from the relationship?  If in a marriage one spouse always dominates the other, always wins and the other always loses, that marriage will eventually come unraveled.  Their must be a healthy give and take in marriage, and both partners must find positive things in the relationship for the marriage to last.

·         If you have children, do you see ways that you are a blessing to your children and your children a blessing to you?

·         When you think of your relationship with your friends, can you think of positive, encouraging things each of you get from the relationship?

3. To develop win-win relationships, we must focus on the positive things all parties get from the relationship.

II.  To create a win-win situation, we must take the long-view of life.

1. I want to direct your attention to verse 15 for a moment.  “For perhaps he was for this reason parted from you for a while, that you should have him back forever...”  There is a deliberate contrast in that verse between the phrases “parted from you for a while” and “that you should have him back forever.”  If effect, Paul was saying to Philemon, “Don’t take the short view of this event.  Don’t look at just what has happened or is happening now.  Look down the road.  See the good things that will come from all this.”
2. And then in verse 16 Paul reminds Philemon of one of those good things.  He says that Onesimus left you as a slave, but in the future he will be to you “a beloved brother”...there are several significant things that need to be understood about that phrase...

·         That is the exact same way that Paul described Philemon in v.1.  Paul was saying, “As a result of all that has happened, the time will come when you will be able to think of and relate to Onesimus in the same way I think of and relate to you.  He will be you much loved brother.”

·         And this relationship of brotherhood between Philemon and Onesimus would not be a temporary thing, but as Paul put it at the end of v.15, “...you should have him back forever...”

3. And what I want you to see in all that is that Paul urged Philemon to focus on more than the immediate circumstances.  He told him to take the long view of these events, and doing so helped Philemon see how all this could turn out as a win-win situation for him and Onesimus.

1. Sometimes we are much too quick to judge the events of life and what happens in our relationships.  We sometimes assume an event or a relationship is bad when in fact it may be good, and we sometimes assume and an event or a relationship is good when in fact it may be bad.  And judging too quickly can keep us from having a win-win approach to the relationships in our lives.
2. Paul Powell, in the book The Great Deceiver, tells an ancient Chinese parable about the importance of taking the long view of the events of life.

An old Chinese man owned a beautiful stallion. However, one day the horse broke out of the enclosure and ran away. The neighbor moaned, “Oh, that is bad.” But the owner of the stallion responded, “I don’t know about that. It may be too soon to say.”

Sure enough, two or three days later the stallion came back with a dozen wild horses following him, and he led them into the enclosure. Again the observing neighbor commented. This time he ex­ulted: “This is wonderful. You had one horse and now you have thirteen.” But the owner of the stallion responded, “I don’t know about that. It may be too soon to say.”

Sure enough, the next day, the son of the man who now possessed thirteen horses tried to break one of the new stal­lions. Unfortunately, he was thrown off and he broke his leg. One again, the ever ob­servant neighbor commented, “Oh, how terrible. Your son will be stove up for months.” But the owner of the stallion re­sponded, “I don’t know about that. It may be too soon to say.”

Sure enough, the next week a Chinese warlord came through and conscripted every able-bodied young man and took them off to war. But he didn’t take the son of the man who owned the horses because he was laid up with a broken leg. [Paul Powell, The Great Deceiver. Nashville, TN:  Broadman Press, 1988, p. 69]

3.      Looking beyond the moment will help us approach life with a win-win perspective.

Conclusion

1.   We may live in the most competitive culture the world has ever known.  From our earliest days and in all sorts of ways, we who have grown up in the American culture of the late 20^th and early 21^st century have been taught that life consists of winners and losers.  The way to get ahead is to climb over someone else.  To be a winner you must create a loser.

2.   While that may be true when you keeping score in an athletic contest or some other game, it is not true in the arena of relationships.  It is possible to have relationships where all parties are winners.  And that is much more likely to happen if we follow Paul’s advice to Philemon—

·         Focus on that which is positive...

·         Take the long view of life...