Philemon 1-7 – Building Up Others
1.
It is an amazing story.
·
It could easily be made into a movie or it could
be the basis for a television mini-series.
·
The story has all the elements of a good
drama—betrayal, dishonesty, failure, mystery, intrigue, anger, irony, revenge,
grace, and redemption.
·
We are not told how the story ends. Instead, we are left to imagine how it all
came out.
·
And the most amazing thing about this story is
that you will find it on the pages of the New Testament.
2.
There are three main characters in the story—the
Apostle Paul, Philemon, and Onesimus.
Each plays a crucial role.
·
Paul
was responsible for beginning churches throughout the 1st century
world. Many of the churches he began
personally and many others were begun through his influence. For several years Paul lived in and taught in
the great city of Ephesus
which is located in what is now modern day Turkey but what was then the Roman Province Asia .
Some of the people Paul taught in Ephesus
went out into the surrounding countryside of Asia
to begin churches. One of the those
people was a man named Epaphras, who was a native a Colossae, a small town
located on the Lycus
River Ephesus . After being discipled by Paul, Epaphras
returned to his hometown of Colossae
and started a church.
·
Philemon,
the second major character in the story, was a member of the church at Colossae . How and when he became a believer we do not
know. More than likely he was led to
faith in Christ either by Paul in Ephesus
or by Epaphras. Either way, Paul would
have been either directly or indirectly involved in Philemon becoming a
Christian. There is some indication that
the church in Colossae
actually met in Philemon’s home.
·
Onesimus
is another major character in this story.
Onesimus was a slave who belonged to Philemon in Colossae .
At some point in time, for reasons we do not know, Onesimus ran away
from his master. In the ancient world,
for a slave to run away was a capital offense, almost always punished by
death. To make matters worse, there is
some indication that Onesimus stole some money from Philemon as he left. Onesimus made his way to Rome and somehow became acquainted with
Paul. Through Paul’s influence,
Onesimus—the run-a-way slave—became a Christian. When Onesimus became a believer, Paul sent
him back to face Philemon, the man from who he had stolen money and run
away. And with Onesimus, Paul sent a
letter to Philemon which became part of the New Testament.
3. You
will find the letter to Philemon toward the back of your Bible, just after the
book of Titus and just before Hebrews.
It is one of the shortest books in the Bible, just one chapter and
twenty-five verses in length. And because
it is so short, we are likely to overlook it.
However, in my opinion, Philemon is the greatest case study in human
relationships ever written. I don’t
know of a more important skill a person can learn that the skill of getting
along with people. According to the Carnegie Technical Institute, 90% of people who fail
in their life’s vocation fail because of poor human relations skills. [Gettin the Church on Target,
Lloyd Perry, Moody, 1977]
4. For
the next few weeks we are going to explore this little letter to Philemon. There is much for us to learn from this
letter about getting along with others. In this session we are going to focus
on the first seven verses of the letter.
These verses remind us that one key to getting along with others is to
be an encourager rather than a discourager. (text)
T.S. – Mark Twain, the famous American literary figure and philosopher, once
said, “I can live for two months on one
good compliment!” [The Art of
Connecting, Hawkins, p.67] One of the basic principles of building
better relationships with the people in our lives is simply learning to affirm
them, to build them up, to make them feel better about themselves. We are just naturally attracted to those who
build us up and we naturally shy way from those who tear us down. From the first part of Philemon I want to
share with you some characteristics of people who affirm.
I. Affirming
people look for the best in others
1.
More than likely Paul had heard some negative things
about Philemon. Remember, when Paul
wrote this letter, he had only heard Onesimus’ side of the story. There was probably some reason Onesimus chose
to put his life at risk by running away.
Perhaps we get a little glimpse of that reason in the letter Paul wrote
to the Colossians, which was sent along with the letter to Philemon. In Colossians, Paul instructed those who had
slaves to treat them with justice and fairness.
Perhaps he had heard from Onesimus that Philemon was overly harsh,
unjust, and unfair toward him. Maybe it
was out of frustration at the bad treatment that Onesimus finally broke and
ran.
2. But
as you read Paul’s letter to Philemon, you would never know that Paul had heard
anything negative about him. Instead of
focusing on the bad he may have heard, Paul focused on the good. I want you to notice some of the very
positive things Paul said about Philemon.
·
“beloved” (v.1) – While the NASB
inserts the word “brother” after beloved, in the Greek text there is only one
word...it is from the same word family as the most basic word for love...the
word used here carries the idea of “dear
friend”...in effect Paul says, “When
I think of you Philemon, I think of a much loved friend.”
·
“fellow worker” (v.1) – That is a
special term Paul reserved for those people who were the closest to him—people
like Timothy, Titus, the husband/wife team Aquila and Priscalla, and Epaphroditus. In using this phrase to describe Philemon,
Paul put Philemon is some elite company.
He was saying, “When I think of
you Philemon, I think of someone who stands beside me in the work of the
gospel.”
·
“I thank my God always, making mention of
you in my prayers…” – What a blessing it must have been to Philemon to
hear that the great Apostle prayed for him personally.
·
“...I hear of your love, and of the faith
which you have toward the Lord Jesus, and toward all the saints...”
(v.5) – That must have been an especially encouraging statement to
Philemon. After all, he knew that
Onesimus had been with Paul. He was
probably concerned about what Paul was hearing about him from Onesimus. I suspect Philemon was greatly relieved when
Paul said in effect, “Here is what I hear
about you. I hear that you love people
and that you are faithful to Jesus.”
3.
And the point of all that is while Paul could have
easily found something negative to say about Philemon, he did not do that. He focused on that which was good and
encouraging and positive.
1.
That is one key to having good relationships in any
arena of life—home, school, work, neighborhood, or wherever. When you deal with another person, you always
have two choices. You can
·
Approach that person looking for that which is
good or bad...
·
Focus on strengths or weaknesses...
·
Look for the positive in that person or the
negative...
And you will find that for which you
look. If you look for good, you will
find it. If you look for the bad, you
will find that. And those who are
affirming are the ones who have developed the ability of maximizing the good in
others and minimizing the bad in them.
2.
The Wharton
School of Finance of the University of Pennsylvania conducted an extensive 20
year study of human relations techniques.
From the study a list was developed of 12 essential elements in dealing
with people that result in successful business and social relationships. I don’t have time to share all 12 with you,
but I want to share the first and last things on this list because they speak
specifically to looking for the good in people rather than the bad.
·
#1 – “Do not criticize, condemn, or complain.”
·
#12 – “Look for the best in people with whom you
deal, expect the best from them, ask for good things to come out of your relationship
with them, and a high percentage of good works will be the end result.”
[Indispensable Habits, Doc Blakely]
3.
Affirming people look for the best in others. But not only do they look for the best in
others…
II. Affirming people bring out the best in
others
1.
Paul says a very interesting thing to Philemon in verse
6. He says, “As I pray for you, one
thing I ask is that ‘your faith may become effective.’” It is not that Philemon’s faith was
ineffective. In the verses before and
after this statement Paul expresses appreciation for Philemon’s effective
faith. In verse 7 Paul says a
very lovely thing about the effectiveness of Philemon’s life in relation to
others. He said, “… the hearts of
the saints have been refreshed through you.” And that word translated “refreshed”
is rich in meaning. It means to lift a
burden or to ease someone’s pain.
Philemon had done a lot of good for a lot of people.
2.
But the point of the phrase in verse 6 about Philemon’s
faith becoming effective is that Paul believes Philemon can do more, can become
even more effective.
3.
Affirming people are always telling others, ”You can
be better. You can do more. I have confidence in you. I believe in you. Do not sell yourself short.”
4. In the movie As Good As It Gets
staring Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt is a moving scene. Jack Nicholson, plays a character named
Melvin Udall. The character is
obnoxious, arrogant, self-centered, and generally disagreeable person. Helen Hunt plays a waitress named Carol
Connelly. Carol Connelly is a single mom
to whom Melvin Udall is attracted. In
one scene they are having dinner and Carol Connelly finally has all of Udall’s
critical attitude she can stand. She
asks him something like, “Could you
tell me one good thing about me?”
After thinking for a while, Udall replies, “You make me want to be a better man.”
5.
That is what affirming people do. They make us want to be better people. They bring out the best in us.
Conclusion
1. The most effective affirmer who ever lived
was Jesus, Himself. When you read about
His life in the Scripture, it becomes clear that He spent His life going around
affirming people, giving them a pat on the back, and offering them a word of
encouragement. Whether it was a woman
caught in the act of adultery, a despised tax-collector like Matthew or
Zacheaus, an immoral Samaritan woman shunned by other people, Simon Peter who
seemed to have a tendency to promise more than he could deliver, to the thief
who died on a cross next to Him, to scores of other people, Jesus always looked
for the best in others and always brought out the best in others.
2. And that is precisely how He calls those of
us who follow Him to relate to people.
Do you want to have good, healthy, fulfilling relationships in your
life? Then do what Jesus did and what
Paul did in relation to Philemon. Be
affirming.
