People Who Shaped
David: Abigail
(1 Samuel 25)
1. There is an interesting
story about a man who spent 3 ½ frustrating hours enduring the long lines, rude
clerks, and seemingly senseless regulations at a Department of Public Safety
driver’s license office trying to get his driver’s license renewed...it was his
son’s birthday and he was in a hurry to buy his son a birthday gift and get
home for a birthday party...with each passing minute he became more frustrated
and angry...after finally finishing his business there, he rushed to a sporting
goods store to buy his son a baseball bat for his birthday...he selected the
bat, went to the cash register, and the young girl behind the register very
politely asked, “Will that be cash or charge?”...the man, still frustrated from
his experience at the driver’s license office growled, “Cash!”...the girl was
taken back by his tone of voice...seeing her reaction and realizing he had been
rude the man said, “I’m sorry. I just spent 3 ½
frustrating hours at the driver’s license office.”...girl smiled and
said, “I understand completely.”...and then looking at the bat she
asked, “Would you like this bat in a bag
or are you going back there right now?”
2. Live in angry world...all around us are
people who are wound tight ready to explode...according to one person, the
average man loses his temper six times a week...the average woman loses her
temper 3 times a week...before you women get too big-headed about that, the
same source pointed out that while men tend to get angry at things (such as a
machine when it breaks down), women are more prone to get angry at people...[Dealing with Anger, Michael Cassara,
SermonCentral]
3. Truth is that not one of us is immune to
anger...and because we are not, all of us need, from time to time, people to
come into our lives to help us deal with anger constructively...in this session,
as continue looking at people who helped shape life of David, going to meet
someone who helped David avoid making a terrible mistake in anger... direct
attention to 25th chapter of 1 Samuel...there you will find the
story of David and Abigail...
4. David was hot with anger...he had been rudely
rebuffed by a man named Nabal whose name comes from a Hebrew word meaning foolish
or senseless ...can you imagine a parent naming a child fool?...however, in
this case the name was appropriate...Nabal was a very wealthy man...David and
his band of about 600 men provided
protection for the people living in the area south of Hebron between the Dead
Sea and the Mediterranean Sea...in return for this valuable service, those whom
they protected were expected to help provide supplies for David and his
men...David sent some young men to Nabal to collect the expected supplies...look
at v.10-13 & v. 21 to see what happened (text)... in his anger, David
decided to wipe out Nabal and all the males in his entire household...
5. Nabal’s wife was Abigail...the Bible
describes her as an “intelligent and beautiful in appearance...”...one person quipped
that Abigail is in the Bible to remind women that just because your husband is
a fool doesn’t mean you have to be one too!...Abigail got word of David’s plans
and acted quickly to intervene...first, she sent gifts to David and his
men...then she went out and met David personally asking him to reconsider his
decision to kill Nabal and his household...David was moved by her plea and v.32
and following tells us David’s response to Abigail...
6. From this encounter between David and
Abigail, there is much for us to learn about managing the anger in our
lives...want to share with you some practical things we can do to manage our
anger...
I. Be
on guard - Don’t let anger catch you by
surprise
1. Not everyone gets angry at the same
thing...what may be a minor hiccup to one person can be like a red flag waving
in the face of an angry bull to another person...you need to figure out what it
is that most likely to make anger well up inside of you...what those instant
anger buttons are for you...
2. A careful look at 1 Samuel 25 gives us some
clues as to the kinds of things that can cause us to be angry...
--A
significant loss can cause anger – Think significant this chapter begins
with account of death of Samuel...was tremendous personal loss to
David...Samuel was his mentor...the one who anointed him to be king...the one
who always believed in David...the one David could always count on...the death
of Samuel was great blow to David...and whenever we experience a significant
loss in our lives -- be it death of loved one, the loss of a job, the loss of a
spouse through divorce, even the loss of money through a bad investment – one
way we can respond is with anger...and the anger generated by a significant
loss can stay with us for a long time, even for a life-time...
--A
wounded ego can cause anger – By this time everyone is Israel knew who
David was...he was a national hero...he had conquered Goliath...he had proved
himself in other battles...the women were singing about David killing his ten
thousands...Nabal’s response to David’s messengers was particularly galling to
David...he asked with biting sarcasm in v.10, “Who is David? And who is the son of Jesse?”...obviously
he knew who David was, and he was saying he had no regard or respect for
him...and of course that personal attack made David angry...and anytime someone
does something or says something which we interpret as a slam to our self-image
or our ego or makes us look bad in front of others, anger is a natural
response...
--Unfair
treatment can cause anger – David felt that Nabal was being blatantly
unfair toward him...in v. 21 David says, “I
guarded this man’s possessions, I kept them safe, he didn’t lose a single thing
and now he won’t pay me for my work.
That’s unfair!”...and out of that sense of unfairness arose anger...and
when someone treats us in a way we perceive to be unfair – whether it’s a
discourteous driver who cuts in front of us in traffic or a rude clerk in a
department store or a co-worker who gives us a hard time – we often respond
with anger...
--Physical
discomfort can cause anger – David and his men had been on the run for
several months...they had been living off the land and had not permanent
shelter...no doubt were tired and hungry and exhausted...did not have much
reserve against anger...sometimes the anger we experience can have its root in
a physical problem...anger may arise or at least be aggravated by some illness
or from the lack of proper rest and nourishment...
3. And what want you to see in that is that
anger can have many different sources – a loss, a wounded ego, unfair
treatment, a physical problem...and if we are aware of those things and if we
keep our guard up when those conditions exist in our lives, we are less likely
to be caught by surprise by anger...
II. Be
Wise – Learn to express your anger in healthy ways
1.
There are two extremes when it comes to expressing our
anger...and as is true in most areas of life, neither extreme is healthy...one
extreme is to under-express our anger and the other extreme is to over-express
our anger...
2.
Some people over-express their anger...they are like
walking time bombs...at the smallest provocation they lose control...they lash
out, saying hurtful things and behaving in childish ways...they don’t take the
time to think about the harmful consequences of their actions...
--that’s what David did...when he
was snubbed by Nabal he exploded in rage...he didn’t think about how his
killing Nabal and all the males of his household would look to others...he just
wanted to strike back, to get even...so, he acted on his first impulse...
--for those of us who tend to
over-express our anger, we need to remember that our first response is
generally a wrong response... that’s why the Bible warns us over and over about
speaking in anger... Proverbs 29:11 says, “A fool always loses his temper, but a wise
man holds it back.”...”always loses his temper” literally
means “sends forth all his spirit”...that
is, always express exactly what he/she is feeling...no doubt you’ve heard
people brag, “I always say what I think! I tell it like I see it or feel it.”...Bible
says person who does that is a fool...dangerous always say what we think,
because often what we think in anger is wrong...
--one of the great antidotes for
anger is delay...the longer you hold your temper...the longer you hold your
tongue...the longer you delay acting in anger, the better your response is
likely to be...Thomas Jefferson is given credit for the statement, “When
you are angry, count to ten. When you
are very angry, count to 100.” [Ibid]...
We need to avoid the extreme of
over-expressing our anger...
3.
On other hand, some go to the other extreme...they
under-express their anger...
--instead of blowing up, they keep
it all in...they never express their feelings...they deny being angry, even
though they know they are... they conceal their feelings...and that is just as
unhealthy as over-expressing our anger...
--Dr. F. I. MacMillan in the book None
of These Diseases lists 51 illnesses that can sometimes be attributed to
bottled up anger...on his list are things such as high blood pressure, tension
headaches, ulcers, digestive problems, backaches, etc...[Ibid]
4. Is there a happy median between
over-expressing and under-expressing anger?...I think there is...it is the
course David ended up taking with the help of Abigail...he acknowledged the
wrong done by Nabal...he didn’t pretend the event didn’t happen...however, as a
result of Abigail’s wise intervention, he did not over-react and do something
for which he would be sorry later...
5. From that can learn that we need to be wise
in how we express our anger...third thing can do to control anger...share by
way of conclusion...
III.
Be faithful – Maintain a healthy relationship with God
1.
Most helpful thing we can do to control our anger is to
subject it, along with everything else about us, to God...David was sensitive
enough to God’s leadership in his life that he was able to recognize God’s
leading in the intervention of Abigail...notice what David says in v.32 – “Blessed
be the Lord God of Israel, who sent you this day to meet me...”
2.
When we maintain healthy relationship with God, more
likely to handle anger in constructive way...as we spend time with God...as we
allow God to remake us in His image, Scripture says He begins to produce in us
the character qualities of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control...and a life permeated by such
things as those as little room left for anger...
3.
Squeeze bottle illustration...mustard, mayonnaise, hot
sauce...what put in will come out...same principle works in our lives...when
squeezed by pressure of life, when anger begins build up, what we’ve put into
our lives tends to come out...spending time with God certainly enhance the
likelihood that positive rather than negative things will come out of us at
times such as that...
Conclusion
1. How can we deal constructively with
anger...be on guard...be wise...be faithful...
